We so often hold onto the bad times.  The hard times.  The sad times.  And although these play a big role in shaping our lives and our own model of the world, we need to see that we do not have be defined by them.  But this is easier said than done.  Or is it?

Our minds naturally recall bad memories easier and with more detail than good memories.  The reason for this is simple:  our subconscious mind needs to keep us safe!  Therefore, remembering bad memories is its way to protect us against negative or life-threatening events. 

By using MRI’s, research has shown that negative emotions like fear, grief and sadness cause increased activity in the emotion-processing regions of the brain (orbitofrontal cortex and amygdala) that is linked to memories.  These heightened, emotionally charged memories are “saved” with much stronger than neutral or even happy memories.  But this does not mean they remain perfectly preserved!  Bad or traumatic memories are still subject to distortion or deletion, meaning that certain details may be distorted or even deleted from the actual event.  In fact, they can be some of the most unreliable memories we have!

The reason a traumatic memory can have such a strong hold over us? The powerful emotions make the recall the memory feel like it is actually happening all over again!  

What about the good times?  The Happy times?  The “I wish this moment could last forever” times?  Those aren’t remembered as easily as the unpleasant times because these are not necessary for survival.  But happy times do have immense power in our lives… IF we allow it to.

The more we focus and strengthen the good, the more we will be able to “hack our happiness”.  So whenever you think of something good, by making sure the good feelings are powerful enough, they can actually deconstruct the bad feelings (negative neuropathway).  

You, your personality, WHO YOU ARE, consists of your thoughts, feelings and actions.  The more you think about a specific event, the more of the accompanying emotions you will experience.  And your actions will stem from there.  Ultimately forming what we refer to as your personality.

I simply love what this means!  This means that you have a choice.    

You can choose to focus your thoughts on the hardships you endured.  Your emotions will very quickly follow suite, and your actions will be confined to that memory. 

OR

You can choose to focus on something good, beautiful or amazing that you experienced or have in your life.  Once again, your emotions will follow suit and your will actions will flow from that experience.

Sadly, bad things happen to all of us.  And this is out of our control. 

But what is within our control is what we allow to define us!