So much of what we do daily is done on “auto-pilot”.  From breathing to driving to work every day.  We operate from a place of familiarity on so many levels.  And as soon as we master something new, it becomes a skill, meaning that we no longer need to consciously think through the process.  We can confidently leave it in the hands of our subconscious mind while we go ahead and focus on other tasks.

It is really great that we are able to do this!  But there is a downside to it too.  

We can, unfortunately, become skilled in unhealthy areas without realizing it.  Take for example thinking and speaking.  So often we do this with little consideration of the impact our thoughts and words have.

Speaking carelessly can get us into hot water at times!  Thankfully, people will let you know if you have crossed a line by either telling you, or making it clear with their body language. This feedback is very helpful when dealing with others. We get to assess our words or tone, consider their feelings and ensure that we build them up in future conversations instead of breaking them down.

But let me ask you this:  Who admonishes you when your THOUGHTS are out of line?

You see, you are the ONLY one who can assess your thoughts! 

And as we know, everything we do is a skill.  And being skilled in negative thought patterns or negative self-talk is less than ideal!  With no one there to help steer us away from these, unwanted thoughts can easily run amuck in our minds! 

So how do you change it?  “Unlearning” this skill can seem like a daunting and impossible task!  And yes, it will take practice and effort to retrain yourself, but it IS possible to change!

A great place to start is to:

1.      ASSESS.  Become aware of your thoughts.  So often thoughts run through our minds without us even being aware of exactly WHAT we are thinking or saying to ourselves.

2.      STOP any form of negativity in its tracks!  Do not entertain the thought if it is not helpful to you or your situation.

3.      REPLACE it with something positive.  Look for the good or focus on what you want in the situation.

I used to be VERY skilled at telling myself what a terrible mother I was! And I would even repeat my thoughts out loud for my kids to hear!  But after learning about the power that my thoughts have, I knew that it was crucial for me to work on changing this. 

I’m not going to lie - working on this took some time and practice!  But now, after putting in the effort to change this (and many other thinking patterns that were not beneficial!), it is now much easier for me to see the good and give myself praise for it. 

Now, instead of thinking I am a bad mom for giving my kids toast for dinner, I choose to see that I am a great mom because I am providing for them and preparing it with love.  What is even MORE encouraging is to see how my kids have grown in praising me!  Even at times when I “mess-up”, my kids are quick to give me a hug and affirm me, sincerely reminding me what a great job I am doing.

You see, everything we think, do and say has an effect on ourselves and others – be it good or bad.  What we always need to remember is that as we work on ourselves and heal, our healing will inevitably have an impact on the people around us.

Are you ready to Assess, Stop and Replace?