Back when I was secretly REALLY SICK and still doing speaking engagements, inevitably sharing about my TRAUMATIC past of ABUSE, NEGLECT, ABANDONMENT, & TRAUMA, I would often hear well-meaning comments like:

* "You are so strong because of what you went through"

* "You must have gone through all of that so that you could now help others"

* "You wouldn't have been given these circumstances unless you were strong enough to handle them"

* "What didn't kill you made you stronger"

* "You are such an inspiration. I could have never survived that"

* and much more.

In the beginning, I thought these comments were kind & encouraging. I'm sure they were intended to be. But words are powerful. And over time I started to realize that I had developed some TOXIC beliefs around these kinds of comments.

If

HORRIFIC CHILDHOOD TRAUMA = STRENGTH

then could you NOT be strong without it? The subconscious mind is powerful. It doesn't "think logically" about these kinds of equations. It simply looks for "proof" and then looks for things to bolster that proof.

If

GOING THROUGH HORRIBLE THINGS = RELATABILITY

did I have to KEEP going through terrible things to stay relevant and relatable?

If

FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE = INSPIRATION

what happens to me if my life becomes happy/normal/fulfilling? Will I cease to be inspirational?

I know, I know...

Consciously these equations don't really make sense. We can reason our way around them. But remember, the subconscious mind DOESN'T reason its way around these comments. It hears them, absorbs them, & makes beliefs around them.

I am NOT saying that we shouldn't say encouraging things to those who inspire us, or to validate the horrific stories of others. But we DO need to be careful about glorifying SUFFERING.