This concept is something I talk about often when I discuss BOUNDARIES with people.

The problem is, sometimes the boundaries we set to "keep us safe", actually end up walling us off from others.

The problem lies in the mindset behind the CREATION of the boundaries. If we are setting boundaries because:

* others are "dangerous"

* I've been hurt before and don't want to be hurt again

* I won't be safe/respected/cared for without strong boundaries

* It's the only way to stay safe in relationships

* etc.

Then we are creating something out of LACK, PAIN, and FEAR.

The material we build with matters. What we focus on the most, we get MORE of.

If we think that we will only be loved, respected, or safe if we have strong boundaries, then we are SUBCONSCIOUSLY saying that we AREN'T loved, respected, or safe without them.

If, on the other hand, we are creating boundaries as a way to affirm what already is, they are just reinforcing the truth.

I like to think of it like the Hope Diamond. Of course there are boundaries around the Hope Diamond. It is extremely valuable and needs to be handled with great care by people who understand it's worth and value. Boundaries around this incredible gem allow it to be viewed and appreciated by millions of people, while keeping it in its safest environment. The boundaries ensure that the only people who can handle the gem intimately are very aware of the way it needs to be handled.

Boundaries that are created out of our worth and value RATHER than out of our pain and fear, tend to produce much better outcomes.

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