Resistance Is Feedback: What Your Mind and Body Are Trying to Tell You

In this episode of The Mind Change Podcast, host Heather McKean is joined by Kent McKean for a deeply insightful and compassionate exploration of one of the most common—but most misunderstood—parts of personal transformation: resistance.

What is resistance really? Why does it show up in our lives, especially when we start to do the work of healing? And how can we stop judging it as something negative and start embracing it as a crucial part of our journey?

Heather and Kent begin by responding to questions and struggles from their students—real stories from people wrestling with the feeling that their self-work is going nowhere, that something is “blocking” them, or that they just can’t seem to get to the bottom of a problem. From these lived experiences, the conversation opens up into a powerful teaching: resistance isn’t the enemy—it’s communication. It’s your subconscious mind and body trying to keep you safe, often in the only way they know how.

Drawing on years of experience in the Mind Change method, Heather and Kent unpack how resistance shows up in unexpected and often frustrating ways: procrastination, perfectionism, physical symptoms, falling asleep during self-work, or even suddenly backing out of a healing session. They explain how this is not a failure, but rather a form of subconscious protection—often based on old programming, unresolved trauma, or identity-level beliefs about what is safe, what is allowed, and what you deserve.

The episode explores several key frameworks, including the concept of secondary gains (the hidden benefits we unconsciously receive from holding onto our problems) and secondary losses (the perceived or actual sacrifices that might come with change). For example, someone struggling with chronic illness may not consciously realize that being sick allows them to receive love, set boundaries, or avoid overwhelming responsibilities. Changing the illness, then, means risking the loss of those needs being met—a terrifying idea to the subconscious mind.

Heather and Kent also highlight how identity can become entangled with resistance. When we define ourselves by our struggles—be it illness, trauma, or even professional roles based on those experiences—letting go of those problems can feel like losing who we are. They caution against attaching to labels like “I am an insomniac,” “I have ADHD,” or “I’m the one who’s always broken,” as these beliefs often deepen resistance and make healing feel threatening.

A central metaphor in this episode is the subconscious as a wise toddler—a part of us that’s honest, direct, and desperate to be heard, but often misinterpreted. If we approach this inner toddler with judgment, frustration, or force (like “just fix yourself already!”), we create pushback. But if we get curious, compassionate, and willing to listen, communication opens—and transformation follows.

The episode also dives into the common experience of feeling like “it’s not working,” even after doing self-work. Heather explains how Mind Change always works, because it’s based on how the brain and body actually function. But what often needs to change isn’t the method—it’s our expectations, approach, or understanding of what the subconscious is trying to communicate. Even when results aren’t immediate, something is shifting beneath the surface.

Personal stories from Heather’s and Kent’s own lives bring the teaching home. Heather vulnerably shares how resistance showed up as falling asleep in the sauna during self-work sessions, and how her chronic illness was filled with subconscious programs designed to protect her, set boundaries, and keep her connected to others. Kent shares how his challenges with intimacy and sexual performance were rooted in subconscious resistance to deep emotional connection, and how facing that led to profound growth. Both emphasize how identity, safety, childhood experiences, and subconscious patterns all converge to create resistance—not as sabotage, but as self-preservation.

They also speak to the importance of community, external support, and the power of being witnessed. Some resistance cannot be shifted alone—not because you’re broken or incapable, but because some patterns are so deeply ingrained, and so tied to early life dynamics, that they require a safe and skilled space to unravel. That’s why working with practitioners, participating in courses, or even being in a supportive group container can be so powerful.

By the end of the episode, Heather and Kent reframe resistance entirely—not as a wall to push through, but as an invitation into deeper curiosity, self-compassion, and realignment. If we can see resistance not as a sign of failure, but as proof that our subconscious is communicating, then we begin to heal not by force, but by understanding. And in doing so, we become more powerful, more free, and more connected to our true selves.

Whether you’re brand new to self-work or have been on the healing path for years, this episode is a must-listen! You’ll walk away with new language, new tools, and most importantly, a new level of self-respect for the parts of you that are simply doing their best to keep you safe.

Get in touch with Heather McKean:

Web: https://www.mindchange.com/our-story

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